Wednesday, December 28, 2016

[291216]





A rhetorical question is a question that you ask without expecting an answer. The question might be one that does not have an answer. It might also be one that has an obvious answer but you have asked the question to make a point, to persuade or for literary effect.

Monday, December 26, 2016

Wednesday, December 21, 2016

23rd


     At 23, it’s very easy to get so caught up in the working and progressing and forming relationships phases - finding ourselves forgetting to ever take a moment to just breathe. To relax. And to take a brief break from frantically dashing towards the future. You still deserve to live and enjoy your life. Do it. Your future will come soon enough.

Sunday, December 18, 2016

[171216]



I can feel it
         the shake in my heart;
I can feel it
         as I slowly break apart.

Wednesday, December 7, 2016

[051216]



"Apakah keuntungan dan bahagianya cinta yang tiada berpengharapan?" tanya dia dengan tiba-tiba kepadaku.

"Bukankah cinta itu sudah satu keuntungan dan satu pengharapan?" tanyaku pula.

Friday, December 2, 2016

Mountains and Hills



Come inside,
Say hi and hide-
with me beside
In our own cave and tide. 

 If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me,
And just forget the world? 



AFMS 
Cairo

Wednesday, November 30, 2016

Debu Angkasa



Siapa kan pernah sangka;
Luarnya aku tampak kukuh
Tapi dalam ku-hanya rapuh

Ada suria, adanya rembulan
Tetuan falak berbagai tafsiran

Tapakku longlai meniti tanah
Lautan bumi menanti belah

Siapa kan pernah sangka;
Dalam aku nampak segalanya beban
Aku masih ber-Tuhan



AFMS
30112016
Kaherah

Tuesday, November 22, 2016

Surat


kurampungkan sujud ini
ditemani lantera kenangan, 
dengan Bismillah kusapa waktu 
rerangkai doa tak terbahasakan. 

biar rasa dalam jihad jiwa
baru tertanam benih rindu,
bakalan menjauh dalam waktu
tetap menyatu dalam syahdu.

menujumu dalam perjalanan sunyi
- seperti puisi bernyanyi-nyanyi. 

AFMS
20112016
Kaherah, Mesir

Saturday, September 17, 2016

[140916]

We talk a lot about love and yet we never seem to know enough about it. We make metaphors and construct rhymes to capture its essence but we never quite get it. It’s easy to write about it because it’s so common.

And yet, in truth, none of us really know exactly what we’re saying. It’s a feeling, not a description. I could tell you that you make me feel like a rain forest, and you wouldn’t have a clue what I meant. Because in that moment, I wanted to tell you that you made me feel full, that every bone in my body vibrated to the rhythm of your voice, that life bloomed beneath every inch of skin you touched– but of course, there is no way to perfectly explain that, you cannot put feelings this big into words.

But I still write poems about you. Everyone still writes them and I can pretend they are all about you but they will never amount to the real thing. I think a lot about words and language and the power that strums within them all and I put a lot of faith into what I say and create on the pages.

But no matter the range I try, from 26 letters to over 50,000 characters, no amount of poetry in any tongue will be able to describe love the way I want it to. 

So sometimes, at three in the morning, I put my pen down and go back to bed. Sometimes that is the closest I can get to saying this is love and I am here for it. Sometimes all it takes is being next to you. 

Right with you. 

Tuesday, August 9, 2016

[070816]

He saw her eyes
Under the moonlight
Blacker than the night
Her curved rich lashes
Bend like the blades of the grass
She sounds like a dream
Except that she's right beside him

She said different things
In different ways
And it caught his imagination
She's everything he'd
Ever dreamed of
So simply unordinary

He gazed at her
Eyes locked, lips curved
Even without words
He saw poetry in her
So simply mesmerizing

He wanted the night
To go on a little longer
Alive as his wishes before
And tonight he had only one
That the red light to stay forever.



Sunday, July 31, 2016

[310716]


You see the thing is, I never let people see my overwhelming insecurities that suffocate and poison me from inside. I don't let people see how much missed opportunities, forgotten friendships, and abandoned invitations really faze me. It is a lot easier to pretend I don't feel conveniently needed. A lot easier to think I'm the replaceable name in the guest list than wondering why didn't they invite me too. It is simpler to act unfazed about it instead of admitting that I feel like a forgotten shadow of a ghost that was once an important part of someone's life.

To he honest, I would rather let people think that I'm a cold-hearted, anti-social, "independent" guy than let them bear witness to just how irrelevant I feel on the best of days. I think I will choose to hide behind the dark tinted window than show my true feelings. 

Thursday, July 7, 2016

Aidilfitri untuk Mak



Untuk balas jasa Mak, 

Aku tak mampu bagi duit dan masa untuk Mak, 
Tak mampu bagi jawatan dan pangkat untuk Mak, 
Belum jamin mampu bagi isteri dan cucu yang baik-baik untuk Mak, 
Belum jamin mampu jadi anak yang soleh dan terbaik untuk Mak. 

Aku hanya mampu bagi doa dan syurga untuk Mak, 
Sebagai balasan yang terbaik untuk Mak. 

Tapi, untuk itu pun, 
Aku masih perlukan doa dari Mak. 
Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri 

06072016:0845

Monday, June 27, 2016

[260616]


Bring me the sunset in a cup, 
So goodnight Moon, I hope you'll show up. 

Thursday, June 16, 2016

The Old Bottle


There are things that you talk about and there are things that you don't talk about. Imagine filling up a glass bottle near brim-full and putting it under your bed, along with the rest of other bottles that every now and then you pull the box underneath and open a bottle or two to fill in new things. This one sits in the corner of the box, separated from the rest. Its shape is the same like the rest, but not what it holds.

It sits there alone over the weeks and months and years. You don't go over it everyday. You don't hold it everyday. You don't peek under your bed to know it's there when you go to sleep at night. You don't fall on your knees after your shower to know it's still there in the morning. Even when you take out other bottles this one never itched your hand to even make a move for it. You just look at it, put back the other bottles in their place and push the box away from view. But you know it's there. Always.

Saturday, June 4, 2016

[310516]


"From what I see, you're in tune with yourself and everything around you. Maybe it's the perfectionist in you that requires everything to be within reach and control. But that's a good thing I guess. Because even the children, it's like you're thinking of your role to provide for them." - SAS

I don't know about that. When the time comes, I may be too afraid to let go.

Tuesday, May 24, 2016

Dimmed and Damned



And there it is again, after years of tuning out, now you're making a noise. Of all time, now? I'll play by your book this time. We'll do our 3am thoughts. Just so you know, I haven't forgotten what you did to me 16 years ago.

I learnt to accept and make use of you. I claimed that you give me serenity and quietness. I tried to like you. But you know that's not true. I never invited you during those quiet nights. I never asked you to come. You'll always be that shadow of the night that I hate. The creek in the floor, the dim light in the hallway, the dews on the cold windows, the waving branches from outside. And I'll suffer those mental storm again and again. Because you know I can't shut you down.

People who go to bed early, easily, always complain that the night is too short. But for those like me, who would, unwillingly at times, stay up all night, it can feel as long as a lifetime.

And the night time is the worst time to be alive. The 3am plays all my secrets.
And they can't be shut down. 

Tuesday, May 10, 2016

Minuet


Holding dear a frail note
Dwindling a world these vibrating strings
March and measure this old cadenza
Hymn! - and your soul, she sings. 








Minuet in G Major, BMV Anh 114, Notebook for Anna Magdalane 

Wednesday, May 4, 2016

[050516]


It doesn't matter how many accounts you signed out or deactivated because the problem with having a running brain, you always need a place to vent. Why think so much when nobody's even listening? 

Sunday, May 1, 2016

Seven Days To Go


There's a reason I don't let you call me by the title. Least, not yet. It's got to mean something, you know? Something you actually, for once in your life, deserves to be called with. Not a sound you casually throw around because you don't know my name. With it, implies a coherent responsibility and subsequent knowledge you and I both know are absent. Either in you, or me. So quit yapping, get all your medical facts right, and freaking earn the title.

Otherwise call me by my name or don't call me at all. :) 

[010516]


.قف على ناصية الحلم وقاتل

Wednesday, April 27, 2016

Excellent Pathology 2016


Thank you my dearest students. You've been a wonderful part of me this year. Do remember everything that we talked about. Do remember the moments we shared. And do know I will always be praying for you, no matter where you are. In times you feel like giving up and falling down, I will be there to support you.

Have faith in His Wisdom, strength in His Words, and patience in His Tests. For it is the strongest flower that blossoms in the harshest winds.

"Like any other worldly things, this too shall pass. But what remains and forever will, is love. "

AFMS
April 25th, 2016

Monday, April 25, 2016

[240416]


Oh my heart, do not be discouraged so easily. Have faith. In the hidden world there are many mysteries, many wonders. Even if the whole planet threatens you with your life, do not let go of the Beloved's robe for even a breath.

Thursday, April 21, 2016

Sabır


Do not worry that your life is turning upside down. 
How do you know that the side you are used to is better than the one to come? 

Tuesday, March 29, 2016

[290316]



Don't repeat my mistakes. There will be people who will keep coming back to you, who'll be the first you'll push away. After everything, they're the first person to ask "How are you?".

You know they're not asking you about your day or your health. They're asking if you've made peace with your past or not. Don't repeat my mistakes. Let them in.

Monday, March 28, 2016

Our Dance

 Your fingers grazed my opened palm
 As you ascend into my presence
 Your shy eyes spoke a thousand verses
 And your brows curved a thousand silence

In your embrace I learnt to dance
 One foot after another, a fluid rhythm
 A slow nervous pace
 Your cold fingers tightened around mine
 Our breaths began to run
 Along the yards of our skipping hearts
 Back and forth, gently my love
 The spring breeze sways the daisies

Our wind is our world, our spin in our court
Let me in let me see too, let me breathe you
The music in our ears, masked emotions
And you wouldn't let go
Faster and faster we spin
In our universe where we're alone
Immortal - eternal

The music nears an end
You missed a move and stepped on my foot
You lurched and held on tight
And you wouldn't let go
O that's when our gaze met
O that's when our bodies stopped

And you, 
Our hearts stopped too. 


28032016:2005
Cairo

Sunday, March 20, 2016

[200316]


We leave something of ourselves behind when we leave a place, we stay there, even though we go away. And there are things in us that we can find again only by going back there.

Thursday, March 17, 2016

Our Secret Tunnel


In the middle of the flowing seasons,
I suddenly feel the length of the days. 
During the days when it is too busy, 
you and I sketch out our future.

Placing their love on March's wind, 
the sakura buds continue on through spring.

Rays of an overflowing light, 
little by little, warm up the morning. 
After giving a large yawn, 
I'm a little shy being by your side.

Standing at a new world's entrance, 
I now notice that I'm not alone. 

The dust carried by a whirlwind, 
entwines with the laundry to be done, 
Just before noon the white moon in the sky  
I was somehow fascinated by how pretty it was. 

Although there are times when I can't do it right, 
if I look up at the sky, even being that small. 

The blue sky is sharply clear 
the sheep-like clouds quietly sway. 

The joy of waiting for flowers to bloom 
if it's sharing that with you, that is happiness. 

In the future as well, 
you'll gently smile next to me. 

If I close my eyes, you are there under my eyelids you live. 
How strong it could become 
As for you and me, 
I want to be together.

Monday, February 29, 2016

Chaos

It was supposed to be a transient hiatus. One that he'll end and resume his daily scrolling. 'It's too loud. It's full of hatred', he reasoned.

The two conjoined "names" that accompany each display photo were static. The photos themselves were mime and palsed. And what followed every display photos were their opinions, and rightfully theirs. But what he couldn't stand was the imagery that it brings.

Everyone at each other's throats. Understandably, everyone is standing their ground and words (Would the few sordid comments even justify the posts?). Understandably, news flash faster than it ever did. And so were slanders and lies and deceit and shaming and blaming and cursing and sneering and lamenting and whining and taunting.

Damn it. He funneled right back into the chaos he tried to restrain from. What was he thinking? That his absence would somehow reset that world and people would began talking nicely? Or that somehow corrupt politicians and fake celebrities would somehow die off one by one and everyone rejoice and somehow, peace finds its way?

No it's much bigger than that. A week wasn't enough. He couldn't cut off without losing tracks of viral info he needed and yet he just couldn't stand the clamor of it all. Everyone's talking. Nobody's listening. He'll be damned if the space ever shuts up and everyone gave up their accounts.

Five minutes into checking vital news and it's already the back of his brain. The pulsating calor in all his lobes, the binaural ringing in his ear that tapers louder, the nauseating knot in his chest as his smile to see his friends' updates slowly curved downwards at the bogusness of it all.

He'll shut down again. Maybe some other time. 

Monday, February 22, 2016

Saturday, January 16, 2016

Lies


Do you believe in anything now?
Wander around blinded by pain
Your inner storm is so loud
I can barely stand in your rain

Can you recall your own smile?
Before the screaming began
When it snowed heavily while
You refused to go outside, again

She's still inside, empty 
And lonely
You can't reach her 
And you're not sure if it's the temper 

Her mouth refused to smile. 
Why won't it smile? 
Maybe she's silently thinking 
But something is missing

The icy tears running down 
An unmistakable pain 
You see it in her face
The cold silence in words - strained 

She's hugging herself 
She's lost
She's scared
Oh - she looks tired. 

You tried asking what's wrong 
She kept silent and long 
But you need to know
Will you ever know? 

The thin wall of pretence, see!
Worn - thinned - clear
And then, you look up at me
Welcome to your barrier

Wednesday, January 13, 2016

Two Rows of Shops

I don't know how to say this right 
Choked on words, my airway's tight 
And I missed my morning flight 
Just to watch you went out of sight 

Are we doing okay-
Or did we have our last say
Here we are and a mountain too
Nascent and fiction- 
Like the waves in Honolulu

Let's not run into 
And I'll stop wishing for you
Let the waves come and crash 
And (maybe again)
I'll start making a splash.