Tuesday, May 24, 2016

Dimmed and Damned

And there it is again, after years of tuning out, now you're making a noise. Of all time, now? I'll play by your book this time. We'll do our 3am thoughts. Just so you know, I haven't forgotten what you did to me 16 years ago.

I learnt to accept and make use of you. I claimed that you give me serenity and quietness. I tried to like you. But you know that's not true. I never invited you during those quiet nights. I never asked you to come. You'll always be that shadow of the night that I hate. The creek in the floor, the dim light in the hallway, the dews on the cold windows, the waving branches from outside. And I'll suffer those mental storm again and again. Because you know I can't shut you down.

People who go to bed early, easily, always complain that the night is too short. But for those like me, who would, unwillingly at times, stay up all night, it can feel as long as a lifetime.

And the night time is the worst time to be alive. The 3am plays all my secrets.
And they can't be shut down. 

Tuesday, May 10, 2016


Holding dear a frail note
Dwindling a world these vibrating strings
March and measure this old cadenza
Hymn! - and your soul, she sings. 

Minuet in G Major, BMV Anh 114, Notebook for Anna Magdalane 

Wednesday, May 4, 2016


It doesn't matter how many accounts you signed out or deactivated because the problem with having a running brain, you always need a place to vent. Why think so much when nobody's even listening? 

Sunday, May 1, 2016

Seven Days To Go

There's a reason I don't let you call me by the title. Least, not yet. It's got to mean something, you know? Something you actually, for once in your life, deserves to be called with. Not a sound you casually throw around because you don't know my name. With it, implies a coherent responsibility and subsequent knowledge you and I both know are absent. Either in you, or me. So quit yapping, get all your medical facts right, and freaking earn the title.

Otherwise call me by my name or don't call me at all. :) 


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