Tuesday, May 24, 2016

Dimmed and Damned

And there it is again, after years of tuning out, now you're making a noise. Of all time, now? I'll play by your book this time. We'll do our 3am thoughts. Just so you know, I haven't forgotten what you did to me 16 years ago.

I learnt to accept and make use of you. I claimed that you give me serenity and quietness. I tried to like you. But you know that's not true. I never invited you during those quiet nights. I never asked you to come. You'll always be that shadow of the night that I hate. The creek in the floor, the dim light in the hallway, the dews on the cold windows, the waving branches from outside. And I'll suffer those mental storm again and again. Because you know I can't shut you down.

People who go to bed early, easily, always complain that the night is too short. But for those like me, who would, unwillingly at times, stay up all night, it can feel as long as a lifetime.

And the night time is the worst time to be alive. The 3am plays all my secrets.
And they can't be shut down. 

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